?????????????????????????

The more I think about things, the more suspicions I find arise in my think-tank of a brain that I have been blessed with.

Does a gangster necessarily equate to being a player? What has he done in his past? Is he willing to let his Islamic knowledge grow with time? Will he consider relocating for me, FOR LIFE? Am I really worth it? He will have to give up everything that he knows! His family, his surroundings, his friends! These are HUGE decisions. And these are extremely important questions I have to pose to him soon InshAllah.

But Alhamdulilah, my gangster seems so sure (so far) of how things are going. Allah (swt) knows all of the hidden matters. I am just trying to take everything in my stride and InshAllah see how things pan out.

I had a quick read over my last post just then. Reading over my positive words gave me a few moments of ease. Alhamdulilah, how hard is it to find a guy that you totally connect with? Someone who makes you smile and laugh each time you hear from him. Someone who you are so different to, yet so similar. Ladies, hopefully you know what I am saying here! But the fact of the matter remains: I still have a lot of questions to ask and probing to do. My gangster was a total stranger to me a few weeks back, yet now all of a sudden I am confronted with the possibility that this may be the guy I could spend eternity with.

To westerners, the whole way us Muslims go about marriage just seems warped, and I can understand that, because I have been raised as a western Muslim. But I also respect and love the Islamic concept of marriage, where the union between male and female is a blessing from Allah (swt) and is considered to complete HALF of one’s faith. A husband and wife are considered garments for one another; they should respect and love one another, and protect each other.

Not only that (as if that isn’t enough motivation!), but a solid marriage is a strong basis to grow one’s own faith and Islamic knowledge on…

I remember thinking the following thoughts for as long as I had the male specimen interested in me. When you go beyond all of the components that make up your relationship, and focus on the sole core of your existence, you are snapped back into reality quite quickly. Why are we brought into this world? We are brought into this world to worship Allah (swt) alone, without any partners. And as a reward for worshipping Allah (swt), InshAllah we are rewarded with paradise.

The silly smirk on your face that appears when remembering that ‘special’ someone, singing to yourself, the butterfly feeling in your stomach, sparkly engagement ring that follows, the honeymoon, the laughter and tears of day-to-day married life, the children (InshAllah), the worries that come along with being a parent, etc – when you go WAY beyond that, at the end of one’s life, you should be left wondering how you spent your years, and whether or not ALL of these actions in which you have performed have created good deeds, and whether or not these deeds, yet most importantly - Allah’s mercy alone will enter you into Paradise. Yes, heavy stuff indeed.

I like to keep a focus, and I believe InshAllah if paradise is your main objective, all of the other things that come along in life, although brilliantly exciting, they are all just a part and parcel of what your ultimate outcome will be. Yes, I like to take the “fun” out of Fun Land.

InshAllah I strongly believe that this is a focus which I will always want to keep, but I also believe my way of thinking about relationships currently is perhaps a bit unrealistic due to the “unknown”. My thoughts will most likely change, based on, 1. when I experience love (puppy love at the very least), 2. when I get married, 3. when I go through all of the trials and tribulations of life in general. Only then will I have enough experience to base my little theories on.

InshAllah in a few weeks time, a lot more will seem crystal clear to me regarding my situation. I am just unsure now because I don’t have the answers in front of me. And the reason I don’t have the answers yet is because I am yet to ask him the questions!

So, if I start putting a question mark after each one of my sentences thrown his way, maybe there will appear to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

The power of the question mark.

Practise makes perfect:

?
??
???
????