Monday, November 28, 2005


The more I think about things, the more suspicions I find arise in my think-tank of a brain that I have been blessed with.

Does a gangster necessarily equate to being a player? What has he done in his past? Is he willing to let his Islamic knowledge grow with time? Will he consider relocating for me, FOR LIFE? Am I really worth it? He will have to give up everything that he knows! His family, his surroundings, his friends! These are HUGE decisions. And these are extremely important questions I have to pose to him soon InshAllah.

But Alhamdulilah, my gangster seems so sure (so far) of how things are going. Allah (swt) knows all of the hidden matters. I am just trying to take everything in my stride and InshAllah see how things pan out.

I had a quick read over my last post just then. Reading over my positive words gave me a few moments of ease. Alhamdulilah, how hard is it to find a guy that you totally connect with? Someone who makes you smile and laugh each time you hear from him. Someone who you are so different to, yet so similar. Ladies, hopefully you know what I am saying here! But the fact of the matter remains: I still have a lot of questions to ask and probing to do. My gangster was a total stranger to me a few weeks back, yet now all of a sudden I am confronted with the possibility that this may be the guy I could spend eternity with.

To westerners, the whole way us Muslims go about marriage just seems warped, and I can understand that, because I have been raised as a western Muslim. But I also respect and love the Islamic concept of marriage, where the union between male and female is a blessing from Allah (swt) and is considered to complete HALF of one’s faith. A husband and wife are considered garments for one another; they should respect and love one another, and protect each other.

Not only that (as if that isn’t enough motivation!), but a solid marriage is a strong basis to grow one’s own faith and Islamic knowledge on…

I remember thinking the following thoughts for as long as I had the male specimen interested in me. When you go beyond all of the components that make up your relationship, and focus on the sole core of your existence, you are snapped back into reality quite quickly. Why are we brought into this world? We are brought into this world to worship Allah (swt) alone, without any partners. And as a reward for worshipping Allah (swt), InshAllah we are rewarded with paradise.

The silly smirk on your face that appears when remembering that ‘special’ someone, singing to yourself, the butterfly feeling in your stomach, sparkly engagement ring that follows, the honeymoon, the laughter and tears of day-to-day married life, the children (InshAllah), the worries that come along with being a parent, etc – when you go WAY beyond that, at the end of one’s life, you should be left wondering how you spent your years, and whether or not ALL of these actions in which you have performed have created good deeds, and whether or not these deeds, yet most importantly - Allah’s mercy alone will enter you into Paradise. Yes, heavy stuff indeed.

I like to keep a focus, and I believe InshAllah if paradise is your main objective, all of the other things that come along in life, although brilliantly exciting, they are all just a part and parcel of what your ultimate outcome will be. Yes, I like to take the “fun” out of Fun Land.

InshAllah I strongly believe that this is a focus which I will always want to keep, but I also believe my way of thinking about relationships currently is perhaps a bit unrealistic due to the “unknown”. My thoughts will most likely change, based on, 1. when I experience love (puppy love at the very least), 2. when I get married, 3. when I go through all of the trials and tribulations of life in general. Only then will I have enough experience to base my little theories on.

InshAllah in a few weeks time, a lot more will seem crystal clear to me regarding my situation. I am just unsure now because I don’t have the answers in front of me. And the reason I don’t have the answers yet is because I am yet to ask him the questions!

So, if I start putting a question mark after each one of my sentences thrown his way, maybe there will appear to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

The power of the question mark.

Practise makes perfect:


Friday, November 25, 2005

My Gangster...


I have been holding back on some information that could be “the” turning point in my life. Do you like how I just casually slipped this “News Flash” in? Once again, I do it to avoid the freak-out factor inside of me erupting. But then again, in this instance I am not freaking out for some reason. Everything just seems to be smooth sailing for now. And no, this post is not about me taking sailing lessons either!

I do not want to get too hopeful, just in case everything comes crashing down on me. It could be another hopeful moment that will be lost in time. So here the story goes…

About 2 weeks ago, a really sweet and funny gangster swayed my way. As the usual circumstance goes, this was not expected whatsoever! Within the past 2 weeks, things have just gone from good to better Alhamdulilah! I am not getting my hopes up too high though, just in case everything comes crashing down on me (once again).

I won’t go into specifics, seeing that specifics would only really need to go into a REAL diary (if I had one), rather than my virtual diary (blog) for everyone to read!!

And you know what the best news is?! This guy doesn’t have a major complexity/complication/defect as all of the others have!! Well actually, there is one major complication, but that can be worked on if Allah permits and it has nothing to do with him as a person. SubhanAllah!!

Oh, and to the anonymous dude who hounded me in my post regarding Eye Sour Lolly by littering my comments section with insults (before I skilfully deleted them): It looks like I am not superficial after all! I just needed to find the right guy. I wasn’t drawn to this guy solely based on his looks (although he is cute!), yet was drawn to him based on his character. Alhamdulilah he has the basis there to be a very strong Muslim Insh’Allah, one where we can learn and grow together in our imaan.

So to my gangster: YO YO YO and all that jazz. Let the good times roll InshAllah...

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Slack, Slack, Slack...

Okay, so I shied away from writing a post or two lately. So sue me (hehe).

I actually started up this blog for one reason alone: because I love to write. In an unusual way, I was drawn to writing all sorts of things about myself so that they were available for the public to see, fellow Australians, and what the heck, while I was at it, the entire world.

But the reason I write is not to big note myself nor is it to gather some sorta Internet geeky fan base. I don't have nearly the same amount of hits on my site as other people, nor as many comments, but nor does that matter anything to me.

Maybe I created this blog because I was just too lazy to buy a diary. In a way it is exactly that - a diary. On second thought, it defeats the purpose of a diary. Isn't the purpose of a diary to keep your thoughts a 'secret'? Well I suppose we are in the year 2005, so nothing remains secret anymore. If ASIO or the Federal Police are reading this blog now, "HELLO!".

I'd like to think of this blog as a diary that has been purposely left on a train seat. Random curious strangers come and sit down on that very seat and read through the mumblings scribbled on the page. Others pick it up, realise that it is nothing but tales of someone leading an average life that is just as boring as their own, so they put it down again. And then there are the people, 'the chosen people', who probably have faces that resemble that of a blessed saint, bright as the sun with their aura beaming brighter than their monitor, with their mere presence turning the night into day, who read my blog constantly and continuously and are loyal Veiled Ninja readers. *oy, yes, I am talking to you* Bless thee my child!! You are my "VIP" readers, and yes indeed....

you are probably non-existent.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Template Madness

Okay, I am the first to admit that I am hopeless with computers. How I even got a blog happening is a miracle in itself.

So the story goes, my template has been stuffing up lately. My Profile has shifted down towards the bottom of the page.

If anyone can give me pointers as to how to get the Profile fixed, please please please do so! I want the profile to be up the top of the page!!

I want it looking quite straight forward, the way it was when I first started blogging.

Please email any advice to or post a comment.

Thanks so much. May Allah bless you all.


Eid Mubarak / Selamat Hari Raya / Happy Bayram

Asalam Alaikum my fellow Muslims,

However or whatever you say to celebrate this special occasion (ie. Eid Mubarak, Selamat Hari Raya, Happy Bayram, etc) depending on where in the world you are from or what culture you belong to, InshAllah may Allah bless you all on this beautiful day, and reward you for fasting the month of Ramadan.

Yes peoples, yesterday we fasted the last day of Ramadan hence today is our celebration.

I made my nephew cup cakes with various colours as icing, so InshAllah I cannot wait to see his gorgeous face light up with joy :D

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Prospective career in sailing?

When I was about 4 years old, my lovely mother attempted and succeeded in making my sister and me a sailor inspired dress. Decked out in our navy knee length dress with a wide white sailor looking collar – we looked one million dollars. Our white frilly ‘bobby’ socks (gosh how I miss them!) and white sandals completed an already perfectly cute outfit. I fit the part of being a sailor yet had no ship to sail, not even a boat, just an abundance of water – our inflatable backyard pool and a beautiful beach 5 minutes away (if you could avoid standing on syringes and broken bottles). Some of my best memories are of my summer holidays. I remember going down to that beach, feeding chips to seagulls and going on pony rides on nearby green grass. But I was far from being a sailor, even if I did look the part.

12 years later when I was 16 years old, I was excited by the opportunity to take lessons in how to sail a boat. The ‘lil sailor in me was bursting with energy! My sailor dress that I once owned, was now nowhere to be seen. Instead, I now wore jeans and a t.shirt, and had an ego so big that it could rock (and sink) the boat.

So, my sailing lessons began. It has been so long ago now and my memory has failed me, but the lessons were something about how the sail catches the wind, using the tiller to steer the boat and not getting whacked in the head with that thinga-mi-doo. As you can tell, I wasn’t listening properly to the instructions told. I have never been great with instructions.

With half of the instructions in my head, and the other half drifting somewhere over the lake, I set out in my boat with my school friend – attempting to sail like a true sailor.

Things were going great when my friend directed the boat out from the pier towards the middle of the lake. The wind seemed to be calm as we lightly cruised along the lake on this perfect summer day. But my friend was always better at following instructions than I was. It was now my turn to take hold of the tiller. If you can picture this scene, it was me sailing back from the middle of this large lake, towards land. Yes, we were heading towards the pier.

That stupid tiller! Why can’t small boats just have steering wheels? But then again, maybe a steering wheel wouldn’t have benefited me either. You see, moving vehicles and poor little me weren’t a good combination at that point in my life. I had repeated dreams as a child that I was in a car, the car was about to crash, and as I was sitting in the driver’s seat, I was responsible for stopping the vehicle. I could never work out how to stop it, so that is when I would wake up in a puff. I also had a phobia of dodgem cars. For some reason, the steering wheels were always faulty (or, so I thought), as they made me drive straight into other drivers, as well as around in circles.

The pier did seem a couple hundred metres off in the distance at this stage, as I was still trying to work out what the hell a tiller was, but more so, what the hell a boat was. But hey, I wasn’t totally clueless! I did know that if I pushed the tiller away from me, the boat would go in one direction, and if I pulled it towards me, the boat would go in another. But which one was which, I had no idea. And that is a very important concept to learn and remember. Trust me. Particularly when the wind starts going nuts around you, your sail stiffens up and you start charging full-speed-ahead towards the pier in front of you! YES, by this stage, the pier was literally in front of us!

‘Til this day, I can still hear my teacher’s strong British accent screaming out at me: “Tiller away!! Tiller away!!”. I don’t know who was more scared, him standing there helplessly on the pier, or us roaring ahead, about to hit the pier at an intense speed in that tiny psychotic good for nothing boat.

BAM! We hit the pier at a fairly high speed. Our bodies jolted. They really should install seat belts on those things! Even if the boats are built for recreational sailing only. I was more scared that I had put a nasty hole in the boat, rather than being concerned for my well-being (or my friends for that matter!). Fortunately there was no (or minimal) damage done to the boat. It seemed the most damage done was to my teacher’s mood, the pigmentation of his skin (which had turned hot pink), and my usually well inflated ego.

I was yelled at for the next 10 minutes by my teacher about how I should follow instructions better, and how I should have tillered “away”. Yes okay, I got his point, but I didn’t even know what that meant at the time.

I really don’t know what the big deal was anyway. This whole event was triggered by a young lady who, until this very day, gets mixed up with signs that say “Push” and “Pull” on shop doors. It was a disaster waiting to happen in my opinion.

As I went home that afternoon, I walked up to the colourful list on my bedroom wall, with the bold header “Prospective Careers”. I crossed the word “sailor” off my list with a big black marker, as a tear trickled down my rosy cheek.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

"Eye Sour Lolly"

I just read back over my previous post titled "Eye Candy" and smirked at the enthusiasm jumping out at me. If my enthusiasm were a type of candy, it would have represented Hubba Bubba (gum). The flavour was intense, yet short lived. In fact, the gum got stuck to my shoe without me realising it, before it caught itself onto some gravel, and pulled itself away from me.

Please welcome "Eye Sour Lolly" onto centre stage. Thunderous applause. Dead silence. Previously this fine chap was known as "Eye Candy." Indeed he sure was fine.

It turns out that in 5 years, a person can change almost beyond recognition. How Eye Candy could have changed THAT much is beyond me. When I got to meet him last week and saw him smile, at that very second I thought he resembled his old self. But as soon as the smile faded, so did my Eye Candy.

Call me shallow but I do not want to get involved with someone who does not catch my eye a little. I am not after Brad Pitt (although that would be nice). I just want someone "normal" looking. I am sick of hearing "this guy is nice, BUT he has/is....(name complexity/complication/defect)". I am all butted out. Just normality is all I ask. Where are these guys? Do they even exist?

I am back to square one again it seems. I am just fortunate this time round I didn't get my hopes up (too much, anyway).