Monday, March 27, 2006

Reflection

I figured that it was about time that I wrote again. Lately I haven’t found anything ponder-worthy to write about. I have no small observations about my surroundings, because I am feeling oblivious to my surroundings these days. I am on such a high, and so in love, Alhamdulilah. I am feeling cocooned right now, feeling my emotions really deep, having never experienced anything like this, ever. I am so in love that I just feel like spreading the joy a little.

There are now six weeks left until my wedding! :)

I said to my fiancĂ© last night, that I still cannot believe I am getting married to the man I met only a few months ago at a group dinner. I couldn’t believe that the man standing in front of me last night, the man I have grown to love so much, is the same smiley faced guy sitting there that night at the restaurant.

I remember his big white smile and gorgeous eyes sparkling up at me, as he replied “Wa alaikum salaam”. My first reaction was “wow”, followed by an instant thought of “I didn’t know he looked like THIS!”. Chi Ching! Instant attraction. Having been introduced to him a week prior to this group dinner, I hadn’t give him a second thought as his sunglasses that day seemed to shade out every bit of the warmth on his face. It is in fact this warmth that makes him, well...“him”. I spent the whole night trying not to look at him, trying to direct my conversation to the group rather than just to him. But the more the night went on, the harder it got. What can I say? The guy got my humour!!! Did anything else matter to me at that point? lol. I recall leaving the dinner, and my sister saying to me “wasn’t he nice?”. For some reason, it took her to ask me that, for me to realise that “I really, really like this guy!”. And that doesn’t happen with me. I rarely find guys that I “click” with. Nevertheless, clicking with a random guy that I had just met.

It is amazing how naseeb works out for people. Subhan’Allah. I used to think to myself “I wonder who I will end up marrying”. The possibilities are endless. I also used to ask myself, “will I ever get married?”. Not that it was ever a pressing issue for me, nor for my parents, but still, it was a thought that crossed my mind every now and then. And to think that I had no idea my naseeb lay with an Englishman. Those damn foreigners, coming into MY country, stealing MY heart away! :P...

Back to the talk on cacoons earlier: I am currently feeling cocooned with my thoughts on him, my feelings, and my need to be around him all the time. But going back only a few months ago, I was cocooned in a different way. I was cocooned in thinking and believing quite strongly (although they were always ‘unspoken rules’ in my mind), that my life was permanently fixed in not only Australia, but in Melbourne to be exact. My world up until now has been my family, and I cannot be blamed for not knowing anything else. And Alhamdulilah, what a beautiful family I have! Yet I made the most adult decision of my life when, with the support of my parents, I agreed to the possibility of letting go of my attachment to them, to the rest of my loving family, and life as I know it in gorgeous Melbourne. Accepting my fate with finding the man of my dreams was the easy part, yet accepting my fate could perhaps lie in a world foreign to my own, took a while longer to comprehend.

We are told to put our trust in Allah, and although I believed and still do believe this strongly, I don’t think I wanted to believe that Allah would intend for me to live abroad for a while. I guess I wanted everything: I wanted to be with my family, be with my man, and be in Australia. I then realised that it seemed I could only have 1 out of 3 of my favourite things, with the 1 thing being: my man. I then had to comprehend that finding the love of my life and starting a life with this man will take precedence above all else. And so it should I realised, seeing that InshAllah one day I will start my own family with him. InshAllah my family will always be there to love and support me, so it was time for this bird to leave her nest and fly. And by me putting my trust in Allah, and believing that I have always been a devout servant, InshAllah wherever my life leads me, will be in the best direction for my deen. I have always wished for nothing less in a partner: someone who would support and encourage me Islamically, and someone whose character is so delightful that he makes me smile and laugh everyday. Alhamdulilah, so far I have found both in him.

Everyday I ask Allah for guidance. I ask Allah: “if (my man) is good for me, my religion, and my livelihood in this life and in the hereafter, then make it easy for me, and bless me with it, but if he is bad for me, then turn him away from me...”. If he was bad for me, I have figured that we wouldn’t have come this far. The only barrier (massive barrier as I saw it) that was prominent from the beginning was the fact that we are both from opposite ends of the globe. But SubhanAllah where there’s a will, there’s a way. The major barrier now InshAllah appears to be lifted due to sacrifices on both of ours parts. And no, it won’t be easy for either of us, yet InshAllah I am hoping Allah will make it ‘easier’ for us as our love and respect for each other grows.

SubhanAllah, such a brilliant walk of life has walked my way. He has made me the happiest I can ever recall being.

Allahu Akbar.

5 comments:

alienbea said...

Salaam;

By my calculations you are probably married by now! Masha'Allah, congradulations! :) May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala bless you and your new husband, and the marriage the two of you will have together.

alienbea said...

...sigh...

It would HELP to spellcheck before hitting "publish"...

Ahmed said...

Salams
Mashallah a very nice blog here, keep up the good work
May Allah bless you.

Veiled Ninja said...

Alhamdulilah I am now married! correct! I have been a busy lil bee. SubhanAllah, being married to the man of my dreams is incredible...I am learning more and more things about him everyday which makes me realise why we were 'meant to be..'.

brotherhood said...

salaam :)