It seems starting a life changing conversation is harder than what I first anticipated. I ran through the words a few times in my head in the car on the way there, but when I finally sat down with my man to tell him what had been playing on my mind, and what my heart had been telling me, my perfectly rehearsed lines were sort of blurted out in one go. The main thing is however, these essential words were said, and he understood the gist of what I was saying. Of course, in my typical style, I eased into the conversation by making a joke. It was simply a case of saying “actually, I wanted to talk to you about something”, where his face turned all serious and he said “go ahead”, with his heart probably racing at one million miles an hour. I followed on by making a joke which gave him a heart attack (something about me saying I was pregnant *yes, I was kidding*), followed by me saying “no, seriously, I have been wanting to tell you…” where I went right into the conversation. I made the decision in my head probably only the night before. And I made the decision subconsciously without realising it, because I was dreaming at the time when the decision was made.
I prayed ishtikhara the night before, as I had the previous 6 nights. Ishtikhara is a prayer that Muslims perform when faced with an issue when they require Allah’s guidance. In previous nights I had some weird and wonderful dreams. Three dreams stuck out in my mind: Dream One: My man saved a lady’s life. Dream Two: My sister who is currently 23 years old was a toddler in my dream. My dad was teaching her how to pray. And Dream Three: My man said he won’t be able to see me for a week because he wanted to spend time with his OWN family. He looked obese in my dream, and as he walked away, I was making fun of his weight by acting out his large stomach with my arms (trust me to be a clown even in my dream).
But it wasn’t the dreams that led me to my decision. It wasn’t even a magical feeling that came over me as a result of ishtikhara. Everything, all of the events that have unfolded since he waltzed into my life have just gone very smoothly. And yes, the overall feeling is magical. So when I prayed my 7th night of ishtikhara, I woke up feeling great. My decision to have this conversation with him was something I just felt compelled to do.
So, what was this serious conversation about? Was it about what kind of wallpaper we will use in our home? What movie we will watch next at the cinemas? The reasons behind global warming? Or, why Humphrey Bear cannot speak? No. It was about the possibility of me relocating to another country. The possibility of US moving together if we were to marry (InshAllah). And a decision like that is almost impossible for someone like me to comprehend seeing I haven’t spent more than 6 weeks away from my family. And I could be relocating for YEARS. But I have made the decision, and this is the sacrifice I am making, for InshAllah a lifetime of happiness. And his sacrifice is even bigger, because ultimately he is going to relocate for me, and leave his life and family for ME perhaps. I still can’t comprehend that! I will have to make sure I am worth it!
So if all goes well over the next few months InshAllah, this lil Miss Veiled Ninja could find herself having a Mr Veiled Ninja by her side.
WOW.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
Stinking hot!!!
I am going to start avoiding Ms S from now on. I mean, I always have, but today she is really not impressing me at all. And that is me being polite. Every time I go to say something bad about someone, religious words bombard my mind. I always remember the words hanging on our wall at home. The words of Prophet Muhammed (saw), "Those who believe in Allah and the Last Day should honour his guest, and those who believe in Allah and the last day should speak good or remain silent".
But yes, IT IS HOT. Stinking hot! I am feeling the pinch of this summer. It is the hottest summer I have felt EVER. Is this due to global warming? I don’t think so. Our home air-conditioning unit simply broke down on us. Our work air-conditioning unit has broken down on us also.
I am not impressed. I am finding myself getting agitated for the smallest reasons. And Ms S isn’t helping my cause. I AM being polite. But after her one millionth question posed at me, asking "Aren't you hot?", my smart-aleck comments are just bound to come out. Okay, I agree, wearing my black light woollen jumper on a day like today wasn't very smart. But when I left the house this morning, I was half asleep, and just trying to tell myself to iron a thin cotton shirt during this frame of mind was just bound to fail.
"It is so hot!" was repeated at least 10 times earlier from Ms S sitting across the office in her singlet top. Thank goodness I have now moved desks otherwise I would be driven mad. Okay, I get the point: it is hot, so just deal with it like everyone else. You don't see me complaining! I'm a happy little vegemite as bright as bright can be.
She did get original before though. Her usual "It is so hot!" comment was changed to "It is so friggen hot!". Well done. Ten points for original-ness. Okay, that isn’t even a word. So bite me.
I was just told then that even the sight of me is making Ms S hot. YAY! Even more of a reason to avoid her.
I think I did a very good job then of not speaking too badly of her (considering). What do you say? :P
But yes, IT IS HOT. Stinking hot! I am feeling the pinch of this summer. It is the hottest summer I have felt EVER. Is this due to global warming? I don’t think so. Our home air-conditioning unit simply broke down on us. Our work air-conditioning unit has broken down on us also.
I am not impressed. I am finding myself getting agitated for the smallest reasons. And Ms S isn’t helping my cause. I AM being polite. But after her one millionth question posed at me, asking "Aren't you hot?", my smart-aleck comments are just bound to come out. Okay, I agree, wearing my black light woollen jumper on a day like today wasn't very smart. But when I left the house this morning, I was half asleep, and just trying to tell myself to iron a thin cotton shirt during this frame of mind was just bound to fail.
"It is so hot!" was repeated at least 10 times earlier from Ms S sitting across the office in her singlet top. Thank goodness I have now moved desks otherwise I would be driven mad. Okay, I get the point: it is hot, so just deal with it like everyone else. You don't see me complaining! I'm a happy little vegemite as bright as bright can be.
She did get original before though. Her usual "It is so hot!" comment was changed to "It is so friggen hot!". Well done. Ten points for original-ness. Okay, that isn’t even a word. So bite me.
I was just told then that even the sight of me is making Ms S hot. YAY! Even more of a reason to avoid her.
I think I did a very good job then of not speaking too badly of her (considering). What do you say? :P
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
The hippiest hippy
I am unsure how we got our hands on it, but a ‘relaxation’ cassette tape ended up in our house when we were all youngsters. My memory of this tape is hearing a creepy middle aged man’s voice alongside hearing the swallowing of his saliva so loud into the microphone that even if we bothered TRYING to relax, the sound of his loud gulps would put us off. But the honest truth is, I think we all had intentions of using the tape to make us laugh rather than relax. As a child, controlling stress is obviously a thing we never needed, and neither was imagining we were floating down a staircase or floating on cloud nine.
I remember a whole group of us kids lying on the carpet in my bedroom and listening to this tape. Usually there were at least one or two of the hippies in the making that actually wanted to relax (not me!) and the rest of us just lay there silent for the next few minutes waiting for someone to burst out laughing. This of course caused the rest of us to explode into fits of laughter also.
Those are the last memories I have of any form of meditation or relaxation. So perhaps 15 years has passed by and you are thinking I am a walking stress machine, right? Not quite. Praying as a practising Muslim 5 times a day acts as the best relaxation anyone could ever imagine. Escaping this world and reciting words of the glorious Quran, praising Allah and thanking Him for all that He has given us, does more to the soul than any gulping saliva man could ever offer.
But last night I did something that triggered off memory lane. I went to a class at my gym that assists in improving flexibility, light toning, and relaxation. The ‘advanced’ member of our class, a rather full figured lady stood right up the front. The instructor pointed this out to us; hence I was looking to her as my mentor seeing it was my first time attending. I realised I shouldn’t have bothered doing this half way through the class when my mentor could no longer pick herself up off the ground seeing she was so tired. The smirk on my face worried me, for I was scared it would erupt into laughter similar to that of my childhood.
The stretches and bending continued, breathing in as our arms arched up to the sky, and exhaling out as our arms went back down. Our thin blonde and possibly solarium tanned instructor with a shiny crystal belly ring reminded me of a white witch crossed with a love child from the 70’s. Her comforting soothing voice and enthusiasm showed through, as well as her passion for her job when I saw her holding herself back from singing the words to the track that was playing. It was quite a sight to see seeing most of the tracks sounded like wind chimes. I felt moments of guilt and unrest when my stomach began to grumble as I thought of the steak that was waiting for me at home. I smirked again at the fact that I was doing a healing class that perhaps at grass roots level would shun the killing of innocent cute animals for human consumption. To make myself feel better, I imagined my steak to be from a friendly smiley cow who winked at me as he was more than happy to set himself free and lay himself on my dinner plate.
I surprisingly controlled myself quite well during the class. Even during meditation time towards the end where we were asked to lie there silently whilst the instructor set the scene for us, I only let off a smirk or two. It seemed maybe I have finally grown up since the 15 years prior where we lay there laughing on my bedroom floor. It is amazing what age can do to someone :P
I have to admit I cheated though. But I felt better when my sister confessed she did too later as we drove home together. When asked during meditation time to imagine we were lying on a beach towel on a remote island all ALONE, I followed her instructions until I thought of a better plan. Why should I be all lonely during my time on this remote imaginary island, when I can have the man of my dreams lying down beside me? So that’s what I did. My mind placed my man by my side as we lay on the warm soft yellow sand as the sun shone down on our skin, and the birds could be heard chirping in the distance as the waves crashed against the shore.
Whilst my cheating seemed logical and within context, my sister confessed that SHE was in a field of beautifully scented flowers with her arms wide spread, spinning around and around in circles.
“How strange”, I thought.
It seems that in a competition as to who is the hippiest hippy out of my sister and me, my sister wins…
time and time again.
I remember a whole group of us kids lying on the carpet in my bedroom and listening to this tape. Usually there were at least one or two of the hippies in the making that actually wanted to relax (not me!) and the rest of us just lay there silent for the next few minutes waiting for someone to burst out laughing. This of course caused the rest of us to explode into fits of laughter also.
Those are the last memories I have of any form of meditation or relaxation. So perhaps 15 years has passed by and you are thinking I am a walking stress machine, right? Not quite. Praying as a practising Muslim 5 times a day acts as the best relaxation anyone could ever imagine. Escaping this world and reciting words of the glorious Quran, praising Allah and thanking Him for all that He has given us, does more to the soul than any gulping saliva man could ever offer.
But last night I did something that triggered off memory lane. I went to a class at my gym that assists in improving flexibility, light toning, and relaxation. The ‘advanced’ member of our class, a rather full figured lady stood right up the front. The instructor pointed this out to us; hence I was looking to her as my mentor seeing it was my first time attending. I realised I shouldn’t have bothered doing this half way through the class when my mentor could no longer pick herself up off the ground seeing she was so tired. The smirk on my face worried me, for I was scared it would erupt into laughter similar to that of my childhood.
The stretches and bending continued, breathing in as our arms arched up to the sky, and exhaling out as our arms went back down. Our thin blonde and possibly solarium tanned instructor with a shiny crystal belly ring reminded me of a white witch crossed with a love child from the 70’s. Her comforting soothing voice and enthusiasm showed through, as well as her passion for her job when I saw her holding herself back from singing the words to the track that was playing. It was quite a sight to see seeing most of the tracks sounded like wind chimes. I felt moments of guilt and unrest when my stomach began to grumble as I thought of the steak that was waiting for me at home. I smirked again at the fact that I was doing a healing class that perhaps at grass roots level would shun the killing of innocent cute animals for human consumption. To make myself feel better, I imagined my steak to be from a friendly smiley cow who winked at me as he was more than happy to set himself free and lay himself on my dinner plate.
I surprisingly controlled myself quite well during the class. Even during meditation time towards the end where we were asked to lie there silently whilst the instructor set the scene for us, I only let off a smirk or two. It seemed maybe I have finally grown up since the 15 years prior where we lay there laughing on my bedroom floor. It is amazing what age can do to someone :P
I have to admit I cheated though. But I felt better when my sister confessed she did too later as we drove home together. When asked during meditation time to imagine we were lying on a beach towel on a remote island all ALONE, I followed her instructions until I thought of a better plan. Why should I be all lonely during my time on this remote imaginary island, when I can have the man of my dreams lying down beside me? So that’s what I did. My mind placed my man by my side as we lay on the warm soft yellow sand as the sun shone down on our skin, and the birds could be heard chirping in the distance as the waves crashed against the shore.
Whilst my cheating seemed logical and within context, my sister confessed that SHE was in a field of beautifully scented flowers with her arms wide spread, spinning around and around in circles.
“How strange”, I thought.
It seems that in a competition as to who is the hippiest hippy out of my sister and me, my sister wins…
time and time again.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Halal dating
I have been so uninspired to write lately. It is rather sad that it has come to this point. I can write and write I am sure. Yet it is just a matter of giving myself a kick up the backside. Once I get started I should be fine. I will convince myself of that anyway.
Why am I writing such short and sharp sentences I wonder? That last paragraph looked rather disjointed. I will leave it that way though. I am sure that deep down there is a reason for my abrupt sentences. Maybe it is because it is Friday. Maybe it is because I am tired. Maybe it is because my keyboard is too high up, my legs are crossed and one shoe has fallen off me. Maybe it is because I have just moved desks at work. I am now sitting amongst people that aren’t even in my department. I wonder whether I will now have a bit more privacy and less people will be able to see my monitor. Somehow I doubt it. The shifting of desks did have one benefit however: it forced me to tidy up my desk!
The weekend is just around the corner. I am looking forward to a weekend of courting. Late night walks hand-in-hand, candle-lit dinners for two, warm hugs, goodnight kisses, the warm feeling of butterflies in my tummy, and feeling of my heart skipping a beat or two. Oh, well that is how the story usually goes for most people, right? In my case, yes, a romantic dinner and movie date tomorrow night have been planned. It will be just me and my man. Ahhh, did I forget to mention my brother and sister also! ;)
Whilst on the topic, it isn’t easy doing things by the rule book. But Alhamdulilah it is also very satisfying and rewarding knowing that we are trying to do things Islamically.
So if I can foresee the future correctly, as my man yawns and brings his arms up in the air stretching, then brings one arm down trying to snuggle up behind me in the cinemas tomorrow night (like in those corny American classics), I can just see my brother swiftly kickboxing his arm into one million pieces in gratitude of the love that is being shown towards his big sister.
Why am I writing such short and sharp sentences I wonder? That last paragraph looked rather disjointed. I will leave it that way though. I am sure that deep down there is a reason for my abrupt sentences. Maybe it is because it is Friday. Maybe it is because I am tired. Maybe it is because my keyboard is too high up, my legs are crossed and one shoe has fallen off me. Maybe it is because I have just moved desks at work. I am now sitting amongst people that aren’t even in my department. I wonder whether I will now have a bit more privacy and less people will be able to see my monitor. Somehow I doubt it. The shifting of desks did have one benefit however: it forced me to tidy up my desk!
The weekend is just around the corner. I am looking forward to a weekend of courting. Late night walks hand-in-hand, candle-lit dinners for two, warm hugs, goodnight kisses, the warm feeling of butterflies in my tummy, and feeling of my heart skipping a beat or two. Oh, well that is how the story usually goes for most people, right? In my case, yes, a romantic dinner and movie date tomorrow night have been planned. It will be just me and my man. Ahhh, did I forget to mention my brother and sister also! ;)
Whilst on the topic, it isn’t easy doing things by the rule book. But Alhamdulilah it is also very satisfying and rewarding knowing that we are trying to do things Islamically.
So if I can foresee the future correctly, as my man yawns and brings his arms up in the air stretching, then brings one arm down trying to snuggle up behind me in the cinemas tomorrow night (like in those corny American classics), I can just see my brother swiftly kickboxing his arm into one million pieces in gratitude of the love that is being shown towards his big sister.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
A call to all man haters!
I feel slightly sheepish right about now. I have neglected my blog and was just alerted by my sister that I better get my act together because my online buddies are calling me! Oh, shucks! Thank you my lovelies!
The truth is, I have neglected my blog for the unforbidden: A MAN. Argh! I can hear the screeching of all feminists worldwide. The burning smell of their bras sharply hits my nostrils. Their anti-male banners flutter high and furiously in the wind. The chanting of “All men are pigs!” pierces my eye drums as this imaginary circus of hairy arm pitted women stampedes around and around in my mind.
So, I call out to all of you man haters! I used to be one of you too!
Lately I have been preoccupied! I have been busy crushing all of my own theories on men. And I have done this without even realising it. Yes, it just happened all on its own. So while I have been busy enjoying life, the negativity that has been there for quite a while regarding men, is slowly dispersing out of me.
This whole courting phase in a relationship turns out to be much more fun than I had ever imagined. But I am usually the crusher of all fun, so what has happened to me? I guess I am just cruising along this time because Alhamdulilah everything feels so right. These feelings are new to me, having never been felt before. I have found someone that I like, without even trying to like him. I don’t want to stop and analyse. I am sick of nit-picking at everything. I just want this to be FUN, FUN, FUN! (who sounds like a big kid now!).
Just to let you know, I have never been a girl to be easily wooed into anything male related. I have always been on high alert to men’s tricks, their ploys, plots, lies, sweet words, free dinners, gifts, fluffy toys, red roses, heavy cologne, mind games and fast cars. I am a feminist, minus the hairy armpits. Well nah, not a feminist, but just a simple female wanting a simple guy, who treats her as his equal. I am someone who is not easily convinced. So even though this guy does have the sweet words, pays for dinners, buys gifts, fluffy toys, red roses, wears cologne and has a passion for fast cars, does that mean I am going back on my word? Am I going against my own little anti-male theories? Perhaps, but he comes with such a genuine quality about him that it is hard to believe that any of it is done with a hidden motive.
I make a point to let him know though, that I am not so naïve to these sorts of things. Last night when he opened the restaurant door for me and allowed me to go first, I said deviously “I’m onto you!”. Followed by “You are being very sweet now, but I will give you one more month and you will be slamming the door in my face, or rather, making ME open the door for YOU!”. With that comment, he just laughed. I was exaggerating obviously when I said that, because I don’t believe he would ever slam the door on me nor do I believe he would make me open doors for him. But I am aware that during the courting phase all of the pleasantries come out to play. Opening doors for me will soon turn into “open your own door” in an unspoken manner. Paying full attention to me will soon turn into distracted glances at passers by. Saying “no, you go first”, when we speak at the same time on the phone will turn into him making sure he gets in first…
But it is a two way street with those types of things. He is yet to see my feisty side :P
(poor dear soul!)
The truth is, I have neglected my blog for the unforbidden: A MAN. Argh! I can hear the screeching of all feminists worldwide. The burning smell of their bras sharply hits my nostrils. Their anti-male banners flutter high and furiously in the wind. The chanting of “All men are pigs!” pierces my eye drums as this imaginary circus of hairy arm pitted women stampedes around and around in my mind.
So, I call out to all of you man haters! I used to be one of you too!
Lately I have been preoccupied! I have been busy crushing all of my own theories on men. And I have done this without even realising it. Yes, it just happened all on its own. So while I have been busy enjoying life, the negativity that has been there for quite a while regarding men, is slowly dispersing out of me.
This whole courting phase in a relationship turns out to be much more fun than I had ever imagined. But I am usually the crusher of all fun, so what has happened to me? I guess I am just cruising along this time because Alhamdulilah everything feels so right. These feelings are new to me, having never been felt before. I have found someone that I like, without even trying to like him. I don’t want to stop and analyse. I am sick of nit-picking at everything. I just want this to be FUN, FUN, FUN! (who sounds like a big kid now!).
Just to let you know, I have never been a girl to be easily wooed into anything male related. I have always been on high alert to men’s tricks, their ploys, plots, lies, sweet words, free dinners, gifts, fluffy toys, red roses, heavy cologne, mind games and fast cars. I am a feminist, minus the hairy armpits. Well nah, not a feminist, but just a simple female wanting a simple guy, who treats her as his equal. I am someone who is not easily convinced. So even though this guy does have the sweet words, pays for dinners, buys gifts, fluffy toys, red roses, wears cologne and has a passion for fast cars, does that mean I am going back on my word? Am I going against my own little anti-male theories? Perhaps, but he comes with such a genuine quality about him that it is hard to believe that any of it is done with a hidden motive.
I make a point to let him know though, that I am not so naïve to these sorts of things. Last night when he opened the restaurant door for me and allowed me to go first, I said deviously “I’m onto you!”. Followed by “You are being very sweet now, but I will give you one more month and you will be slamming the door in my face, or rather, making ME open the door for YOU!”. With that comment, he just laughed. I was exaggerating obviously when I said that, because I don’t believe he would ever slam the door on me nor do I believe he would make me open doors for him. But I am aware that during the courting phase all of the pleasantries come out to play. Opening doors for me will soon turn into “open your own door” in an unspoken manner. Paying full attention to me will soon turn into distracted glances at passers by. Saying “no, you go first”, when we speak at the same time on the phone will turn into him making sure he gets in first…
But it is a two way street with those types of things. He is yet to see my feisty side :P
(poor dear soul!)
Friday, December 09, 2005
TGIF!
It is a Friday afternoon at work and I am going nuts! I don’t think I can work anymore today, and I would be kidding myself if I even tried. I have been sitting here for the last hour or so finding every excuse under the sun to distract myself. It is called Fridayitis. It is when your brain shuts down on you and you have no way of going back to the world of wisdom, ideas, thoughts, and intelligence. It is when you can somehow focus on something on your desk, and find it ever so amusing. Whether that something be a chilli shaped pen, or an ant that travelled secretly with you to work in your handbag because you have an ant problem in your bedroom. I would give the Antz Pantz commercials a run for their money. How intelligent is this lil ant? It has travelled 45kms with me all the way to work, and then has the cheek to parade around MY desk like he owns the place. Well, I suppose I should give credit where credit is due. Well done ‘lil fella. I am sure your ant buddies are green with envy right about now!
Currently listening to: Wild World by Cat Stevens.
Currently listening to: Wild World by Cat Stevens.
Monday, November 28, 2005
?????????????????????????
The more I think about things, the more suspicions I find arise in my think-tank of a brain that I have been blessed with.
Does a gangster necessarily equate to being a player? What has he done in his past? Is he willing to let his Islamic knowledge grow with time? Will he consider relocating for me, FOR LIFE? Am I really worth it? He will have to give up everything that he knows! His family, his surroundings, his friends! These are HUGE decisions. And these are extremely important questions I have to pose to him soon InshAllah.
But Alhamdulilah, my gangster seems so sure (so far) of how things are going. Allah (swt) knows all of the hidden matters. I am just trying to take everything in my stride and InshAllah see how things pan out.
I had a quick read over my last post just then. Reading over my positive words gave me a few moments of ease. Alhamdulilah, how hard is it to find a guy that you totally connect with? Someone who makes you smile and laugh each time you hear from him. Someone who you are so different to, yet so similar. Ladies, hopefully you know what I am saying here! But the fact of the matter remains: I still have a lot of questions to ask and probing to do. My gangster was a total stranger to me a few weeks back, yet now all of a sudden I am confronted with the possibility that this may be the guy I could spend eternity with.
To westerners, the whole way us Muslims go about marriage just seems warped, and I can understand that, because I have been raised as a western Muslim. But I also respect and love the Islamic concept of marriage, where the union between male and female is a blessing from Allah (swt) and is considered to complete HALF of one’s faith. A husband and wife are considered garments for one another; they should respect and love one another, and protect each other.
Not only that (as if that isn’t enough motivation!), but a solid marriage is a strong basis to grow one’s own faith and Islamic knowledge on…
I remember thinking the following thoughts for as long as I had the male specimen interested in me. When you go beyond all of the components that make up your relationship, and focus on the sole core of your existence, you are snapped back into reality quite quickly. Why are we brought into this world? We are brought into this world to worship Allah (swt) alone, without any partners. And as a reward for worshipping Allah (swt), InshAllah we are rewarded with paradise.
The silly smirk on your face that appears when remembering that ‘special’ someone, singing to yourself, the butterfly feeling in your stomach, sparkly engagement ring that follows, the honeymoon, the laughter and tears of day-to-day married life, the children (InshAllah), the worries that come along with being a parent, etc – when you go WAY beyond that, at the end of one’s life, you should be left wondering how you spent your years, and whether or not ALL of these actions in which you have performed have created good deeds, and whether or not these deeds, yet most importantly - Allah’s mercy alone will enter you into Paradise. Yes, heavy stuff indeed.
I like to keep a focus, and I believe InshAllah if paradise is your main objective, all of the other things that come along in life, although brilliantly exciting, they are all just a part and parcel of what your ultimate outcome will be. Yes, I like to take the “fun” out of Fun Land.
InshAllah I strongly believe that this is a focus which I will always want to keep, but I also believe my way of thinking about relationships currently is perhaps a bit unrealistic due to the “unknown”. My thoughts will most likely change, based on, 1. when I experience love (puppy love at the very least), 2. when I get married, 3. when I go through all of the trials and tribulations of life in general. Only then will I have enough experience to base my little theories on.
InshAllah in a few weeks time, a lot more will seem crystal clear to me regarding my situation. I am just unsure now because I don’t have the answers in front of me. And the reason I don’t have the answers yet is because I am yet to ask him the questions!
So, if I start putting a question mark after each one of my sentences thrown his way, maybe there will appear to be a light at the end of the tunnel.
The power of the question mark.
Practise makes perfect:
?
??
???
????
Does a gangster necessarily equate to being a player? What has he done in his past? Is he willing to let his Islamic knowledge grow with time? Will he consider relocating for me, FOR LIFE? Am I really worth it? He will have to give up everything that he knows! His family, his surroundings, his friends! These are HUGE decisions. And these are extremely important questions I have to pose to him soon InshAllah.
But Alhamdulilah, my gangster seems so sure (so far) of how things are going. Allah (swt) knows all of the hidden matters. I am just trying to take everything in my stride and InshAllah see how things pan out.
I had a quick read over my last post just then. Reading over my positive words gave me a few moments of ease. Alhamdulilah, how hard is it to find a guy that you totally connect with? Someone who makes you smile and laugh each time you hear from him. Someone who you are so different to, yet so similar. Ladies, hopefully you know what I am saying here! But the fact of the matter remains: I still have a lot of questions to ask and probing to do. My gangster was a total stranger to me a few weeks back, yet now all of a sudden I am confronted with the possibility that this may be the guy I could spend eternity with.
To westerners, the whole way us Muslims go about marriage just seems warped, and I can understand that, because I have been raised as a western Muslim. But I also respect and love the Islamic concept of marriage, where the union between male and female is a blessing from Allah (swt) and is considered to complete HALF of one’s faith. A husband and wife are considered garments for one another; they should respect and love one another, and protect each other.
Not only that (as if that isn’t enough motivation!), but a solid marriage is a strong basis to grow one’s own faith and Islamic knowledge on…
I remember thinking the following thoughts for as long as I had the male specimen interested in me. When you go beyond all of the components that make up your relationship, and focus on the sole core of your existence, you are snapped back into reality quite quickly. Why are we brought into this world? We are brought into this world to worship Allah (swt) alone, without any partners. And as a reward for worshipping Allah (swt), InshAllah we are rewarded with paradise.
The silly smirk on your face that appears when remembering that ‘special’ someone, singing to yourself, the butterfly feeling in your stomach, sparkly engagement ring that follows, the honeymoon, the laughter and tears of day-to-day married life, the children (InshAllah), the worries that come along with being a parent, etc – when you go WAY beyond that, at the end of one’s life, you should be left wondering how you spent your years, and whether or not ALL of these actions in which you have performed have created good deeds, and whether or not these deeds, yet most importantly - Allah’s mercy alone will enter you into Paradise. Yes, heavy stuff indeed.
I like to keep a focus, and I believe InshAllah if paradise is your main objective, all of the other things that come along in life, although brilliantly exciting, they are all just a part and parcel of what your ultimate outcome will be. Yes, I like to take the “fun” out of Fun Land.
InshAllah I strongly believe that this is a focus which I will always want to keep, but I also believe my way of thinking about relationships currently is perhaps a bit unrealistic due to the “unknown”. My thoughts will most likely change, based on, 1. when I experience love (puppy love at the very least), 2. when I get married, 3. when I go through all of the trials and tribulations of life in general. Only then will I have enough experience to base my little theories on.
InshAllah in a few weeks time, a lot more will seem crystal clear to me regarding my situation. I am just unsure now because I don’t have the answers in front of me. And the reason I don’t have the answers yet is because I am yet to ask him the questions!
So, if I start putting a question mark after each one of my sentences thrown his way, maybe there will appear to be a light at the end of the tunnel.
The power of the question mark.
Practise makes perfect:
?
??
???
????
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
